Post by pippichan on Sept 9, 2006 4:51:51 GMT -5
Note: Eyes Rutherford is a character in Spiral anime/manga 
I'm questioning the meaning of my existence. They say I'm cursed, that I shouldn't have been born at all. So, how come I was born? How come I live if I'm not supposed to live? I ask God so many times the very question. But God never answers.
And who is God exactly? God God they mention in Bible? Or people who think they have control over others lives, thus, have power to decide who deserves to live and who doesn't?
Strumming my fingers hard on piano keys as the song heatens, my mind pictures Kanone, my childhood friend. Funny how many things time can do to a person; changing, drawing more and more distance and finally transforming into something or someone you thought you knew but then you find that you don't, actually.
And the knowledge just hits you mercilessly right between your eyes, knocking you down, leaving you breathless.
Kanone, my sweet Kanone... you said I can cry if I want to. But don't you know, Kanone? I don't have tears to cry with. Then you offered to cry for me instead. How sweet of you, Kanone...
I bang my fingers against piano keys so hard that it hurts but I barely feel it, and lean over the piano. I still can't cry up till now no matter how aching my heart is. Are you still crying for me, Kanone, now that we're on different paths? Do you still want to cry for me?
I close my eyes tightly, silver hair strands fall, touching my cheeks but I ignore them. Kanone, my Kanone, how deep you've fallen into darkness. When and how it started? Or, maybe it's always been like that, I just too fool to realize it... or maybe I refuse to see it. Whatever it was, will knowing it then make any difference? If can, I won't mind to turn back the hands of time.
But I don't have the power... nor you have the power to help yourself from your darkness... Kanone, maybe it's already part of you from the beginning. Even Kiyotaka's words can't make you fight for that tiny light called HOPE.
I get up to my feet and walk silenty across the room towards the window. Seeing the night scene of the city below from behind my window, I start thinking about what that Narumi guy has said. No, not Kiyotaka, his little brother, Ayumu. He snapped at me and Kanone, asking until when we're gonna repeating and arguing over his big brother's words. If it's him, he'll do what he can. Just like that.
Just like that. I can help smiling mockingly at the sentence. A loser like Narumi Ayumu can say such words, who would have expected?! And he's defeated Kanone with his just like that.
"Narumi Ayumu, you're really one of a kind," I say to myself, eyes still staring at the night vision before me.
"And you, Eyes Rutherford, who are you?" I run my palm against the cold glass. "What are you?"
I'm a Blade Children, the ones said to be cursed, children of night and thus must go back to darkness. But I'm also a human, no difference from other humans, though I might be missing one rib in my right chest. I can feel happy, sad, scared, insecure. I can feel pain. I can feel emotions, though I choose not to express them.
I'm a human and I live. Thus, it's all my right to defend my life whenever there's someone tries to take it away from me. It's not that I have ideal sacred reason for surviving... no, I just follow my instinct. And maybe..... maybe I just wanna live, after all.
I don't know what I'm living for - I have no slightest idea, but I know I have desire to stay alive. I guess I wanna live for the living's own sake.
And I definitely will do what I can to survive.
Outside, it's beginning to rain, I notice. I turn my back at window and grabs my coat. Putting on the coat over my black tight leather shirt and pants, I go out of my apartment building.
I take a stroll under the pouring rain, not care much where I'm going. People rushing under protection of umbrellas passing me, even bumping against me sometimes. I wonder why, there's something in rain that people don't like, that make people unease and rush. Sliding my hands into my coat pockets, I shake my wet silver-haired head. Or maybe it's just because they have home to rush back to.
I halt my stride as my eyes catch a familiar figure before me. He stops too, looking back at me, in his usual awkwardness, from under his umbrella. Finally after some minutes pass, he speaks, "Eyes Rutherford..."
"Narumi Otouto," I address him back. I notice that he has groceries bag in his free hand. I guess he's gonna cook delicious dinner for his sister-in-law and himself. Not that I care of.
Looking straight ahead, not staring at something or someone in particular, I march forward and pass him.
Then, his uncertain call stops me. "Eyes Rutherford..."
I don't asnwer him, just stand there, waiting for him to say whatever thing he wanna say to me.
"Do you have plan for tonight?" He asks.
"No," I reply briefly.
"Then, care for a home cooking dinner?"
At this point, I turn my head to him. I'm fixing my gaze at him intently, trying to comprehend the real meaning of his sentence just now.
He continues in more casual tone, "Nee-san has to do overtime suddenly while I already bought much. It'll be a waste if they're just thrown away."
"Narumi Otouto..." I squint my blue eyes behind my sunglasses at him.
He shrugs indifferently. "Maa, if you don't want then it's ok." And he starts to walk away.
I stare at his back for a while, wondering whether to accept his offer or not. Don't know what the reason, my feet seem to move on their own will, the next minute I find myself catching up with him.
I don't bother to look at him beside me to know he's looking at me in surprise. "I accept your invitation just because I happen to feel hungry. That's all," I say through my gritted teeth.
From corner of my eye, I can see his slight smile. "That's good enough for me," he says.
We walk side by side in silence in the middle of noisy crowded rushing city.
The rain apparently has ceased some time ago.
fin
EYES RUTHERFORD
I'm questioning the meaning of my existence. They say I'm cursed, that I shouldn't have been born at all. So, how come I was born? How come I live if I'm not supposed to live? I ask God so many times the very question. But God never answers.
And who is God exactly? God God they mention in Bible? Or people who think they have control over others lives, thus, have power to decide who deserves to live and who doesn't?
Strumming my fingers hard on piano keys as the song heatens, my mind pictures Kanone, my childhood friend. Funny how many things time can do to a person; changing, drawing more and more distance and finally transforming into something or someone you thought you knew but then you find that you don't, actually.
And the knowledge just hits you mercilessly right between your eyes, knocking you down, leaving you breathless.
Kanone, my sweet Kanone... you said I can cry if I want to. But don't you know, Kanone? I don't have tears to cry with. Then you offered to cry for me instead. How sweet of you, Kanone...
I bang my fingers against piano keys so hard that it hurts but I barely feel it, and lean over the piano. I still can't cry up till now no matter how aching my heart is. Are you still crying for me, Kanone, now that we're on different paths? Do you still want to cry for me?
I close my eyes tightly, silver hair strands fall, touching my cheeks but I ignore them. Kanone, my Kanone, how deep you've fallen into darkness. When and how it started? Or, maybe it's always been like that, I just too fool to realize it... or maybe I refuse to see it. Whatever it was, will knowing it then make any difference? If can, I won't mind to turn back the hands of time.
But I don't have the power... nor you have the power to help yourself from your darkness... Kanone, maybe it's already part of you from the beginning. Even Kiyotaka's words can't make you fight for that tiny light called HOPE.
I get up to my feet and walk silenty across the room towards the window. Seeing the night scene of the city below from behind my window, I start thinking about what that Narumi guy has said. No, not Kiyotaka, his little brother, Ayumu. He snapped at me and Kanone, asking until when we're gonna repeating and arguing over his big brother's words. If it's him, he'll do what he can. Just like that.
Just like that. I can help smiling mockingly at the sentence. A loser like Narumi Ayumu can say such words, who would have expected?! And he's defeated Kanone with his just like that.
"Narumi Ayumu, you're really one of a kind," I say to myself, eyes still staring at the night vision before me.
"And you, Eyes Rutherford, who are you?" I run my palm against the cold glass. "What are you?"
I'm a Blade Children, the ones said to be cursed, children of night and thus must go back to darkness. But I'm also a human, no difference from other humans, though I might be missing one rib in my right chest. I can feel happy, sad, scared, insecure. I can feel pain. I can feel emotions, though I choose not to express them.
I'm a human and I live. Thus, it's all my right to defend my life whenever there's someone tries to take it away from me. It's not that I have ideal sacred reason for surviving... no, I just follow my instinct. And maybe..... maybe I just wanna live, after all.
I don't know what I'm living for - I have no slightest idea, but I know I have desire to stay alive. I guess I wanna live for the living's own sake.
And I definitely will do what I can to survive.
Outside, it's beginning to rain, I notice. I turn my back at window and grabs my coat. Putting on the coat over my black tight leather shirt and pants, I go out of my apartment building.
I take a stroll under the pouring rain, not care much where I'm going. People rushing under protection of umbrellas passing me, even bumping against me sometimes. I wonder why, there's something in rain that people don't like, that make people unease and rush. Sliding my hands into my coat pockets, I shake my wet silver-haired head. Or maybe it's just because they have home to rush back to.
I halt my stride as my eyes catch a familiar figure before me. He stops too, looking back at me, in his usual awkwardness, from under his umbrella. Finally after some minutes pass, he speaks, "Eyes Rutherford..."
"Narumi Otouto," I address him back. I notice that he has groceries bag in his free hand. I guess he's gonna cook delicious dinner for his sister-in-law and himself. Not that I care of.
Looking straight ahead, not staring at something or someone in particular, I march forward and pass him.
Then, his uncertain call stops me. "Eyes Rutherford..."
I don't asnwer him, just stand there, waiting for him to say whatever thing he wanna say to me.
"Do you have plan for tonight?" He asks.
"No," I reply briefly.
"Then, care for a home cooking dinner?"
At this point, I turn my head to him. I'm fixing my gaze at him intently, trying to comprehend the real meaning of his sentence just now.
He continues in more casual tone, "Nee-san has to do overtime suddenly while I already bought much. It'll be a waste if they're just thrown away."
"Narumi Otouto..." I squint my blue eyes behind my sunglasses at him.
He shrugs indifferently. "Maa, if you don't want then it's ok." And he starts to walk away.
I stare at his back for a while, wondering whether to accept his offer or not. Don't know what the reason, my feet seem to move on their own will, the next minute I find myself catching up with him.
I don't bother to look at him beside me to know he's looking at me in surprise. "I accept your invitation just because I happen to feel hungry. That's all," I say through my gritted teeth.
From corner of my eye, I can see his slight smile. "That's good enough for me," he says.
We walk side by side in silence in the middle of noisy crowded rushing city.
The rain apparently has ceased some time ago.
fin
Hehehe...
