GB Fanfiction

[pippichan]

FIND MYSELF
(Amano Ginji's Story)

What was I living for?

For the millionth time the question invaded my mind. And for the millionth time I knew the answer. Or, at least, I thought I knew.

They called me Thunder Emperor, the leader of VOLTS who protected Lower Town people from being slaughtered by Belt-Line bastards. That's what I always wanted to do in my life, protecting others.

I'd got the power (though I wasn't quite sure I really wanted it) to fulfil that dream. And yeah, everything's better than before.

That should've been able to make me sleep sound at night. Make me content, somehow.

However, I felt the opposite. Endless restlessness grew in me like a cancer, spreading weariness and uneasiness all over me, forcing me to realise that despite the power I got, I lost something.

Something important. Something essential. But, what was it? Why I couldn't get myself to figure out what I'd lost exactly?
And then, there's still the question. Staying in the back of my mind, haunting me.

What was I living for?


"Ginji-san?"

Kazuki's calm voice took me from reverie back to reality. I was surprised to find out that it had been afternoon already. Gosh, that meant I had been sitting on that ruin's roof for hours, and hadn't quite realised it.

Creepy how fast time flew.

"Ginji-san, are you alright?" Kazuki looked at me with deep concern.

I managed to cast mourn away from my face with a little assuring smile. I nodded. "I'm fine, Kazu-chan. What's the matter?" I asked him quizzically.

"It's time to do our patrol," Kazuki replied, still had a concern look on his pretty face.

His words were like a slap on my cheek. What was I doing?! Busy thinking aboout myself while there were other greater things I should think of! I felt very ashamed.

"Ah, yeah!" I got up to my feet. "Lately, the threat comes not only from Belt-Line but also from outside Mugenjou."

I hustled off, with Kazuki on my tail. We didn't speak a word while climbing down the steps but I could feel his eyes watching me closely. I knew he could sense there's something wrong with me and judging from his nature, I was pretty sure he'd like to help. But I didn't think he's able to. So, I shutted myself from him.

Finally, we reached the bottom of the ruin where Shido had been waiting impatiently. "Where have you been hiding, Ginji?" he snarls at the sight of me, practically taking Kazuki's disapproving look for granted. "It's not the time to relax!"

"I'm sorry, Shido. I slightly lost track of time," I uttered in deep apology and regret.

Kazuki nudged Shido hard on his rib. The beast master went awkward, scratching his head and changing the subject. "Ehm...shall we go now?"

Unexpectedly, I shook my head. "Shido, Kazu-chan, I'll go patrolling all by myself," I said firmly, looking into their startled eyes with determination.

"But, Ginji..." Shido started to protest.

Kazukki touched his arm to stop him and then casted a worry look at me. "Ginji-san, are you sure?" he asked cautiously, clearly doubting me yet trying to put some confidence in me at the same time.

I nodded, grinning a little. "I'll be alright. Don't worry."

"Okay, then. Shido and I will be waiting here," Kazuki said, ignoring Shido's bulging eyes.

"Thanks for understanding, guys. See you later!" I turned around and strode, feeling relieved because they respected my weird decision.

Personally, I couldn't understand, either, why I wanted to patrol without them. It's not that I wasn't comfortable with their company - we'd done patrolling together so many times. I sighed. Why it's always difficult just to define my own emotions?! Maybe... maybe I still needed to be alone for a little longer.

Yeah, I guessed so.


"Hey, Intruder! You must tell your purpose for entering Mugenjou!"

"Oh? Must I?"

The conversation near Mugenjou entrance caught my attention. Apparently a curious rat had been captured red-handed sneaking in without permission and dared to oppose VOLTS member's interrogation.

I thought I could give my hand so I changed destination and approached the small crowd ahead.

A bunch of VOLTS member (I didn't know them personally but I knew they're VOLTS) encircled a tall guy with dark brown hair and funky sunglasses. He seemed pretty calm - arrogant, in fact - under so many menacing stares.

"Of course you must!" One of the VOLTS members, the scariest-faced one, spoke up. "Now, tell us your purpose or you'll be considered against VOLTS!"

He folded his arms and said indifferently,"I'm sorry, guys but I believe it's none of your business!"

"You...!!"

"What're you gonna do, eh, ugly face?! Think you can hit me?!" he sneered with a smug grin across his naughty face.

That outsider really was a smart-mouth brat. Perhaps, some electric shocks could teach him manners.

I felt the other me emerged, slowly but sure. And he's the one in charge now.


To be continued...

[BlackGrail]

That was good. It made me ponder. Seems like Ginji and me are on the same boat.

[pippichan]

Thanks, Black Grail! I'm glad you like my fanfiction! It even makes you ponder? Wow! ;D Thanks.

You said you and Ginji seems on the same boat. Is it because you're confused of your purpose of living? Don't worry, many of people have the same problem. Me too

Ah, the next piece will be coming soon. Watch out for it! ;D

Hm.. awesome avatar you've got there! Dr. Jackal! Are you fan of Get Backers too?

[pippichan]

"You're entering VOLTS territory," I uttered firmly, marching out of buildings shade and towards the intruder. All VOLTS members immediately stepped aside to let me pass. "Obey our rules or taste my anger!" I casted a stern look at him, intimidation mode was on.

He curled his lips. His blue eyes observed me with interest from above his sunglasses. "The famous Thunder Emperor, I presume?" he asked lightly.

I growled. I found his cockiness really annoying. "So, what's your decision!?"

"Like I've said before, my purpose here is none of your business," he replied, fixing his eyes on mine, sending his challenge.

How dared he! How dared he speaking to me like that - looking at me like that! How dared he messing up with me! Electric current started blazing all over my body as rage overwhelmed me. "You asked for it yourself!" I said through my gritted teeth, clenching my fists hard.

"Run! Thunder Emperor's angry!" The VOLTS members automatically refuged to somewhere secured.

The brash guy grimaced irritatingly. "Bring it on, Thunder Boy!" His violet eyes sparkled in excitement.

"I'll turn you to ashes for sure!" I ripped into him in light speed, attacking mercilessly with my thunders. That fellow dodged here and there expertly. He's fast - I must admit it - but there's no way he could escape Thunder Emperor's wrath.

"Ck,ck,ck! Is that all you've got?!" he taunted me, grinning contemptously. "Barely shocked me a bit!"

"Die!" I glared at him. "Everyone who's against me must die! DIE!"

I increased the power of my attack. Soon, high-voltaged thunderbolts struck everywhere my opponent ran. Big explosions hit all over the place, bringing damages and destructions.

Hah! That pompous brat could no longer brag! It'd be a pure luck if he's still even alive! I looked around for him to enjoy watching his defeat. But... Hey, where the heck was he!?

"Checkmate!"

All of a sudden I felt a hand seizing the nape of my neck. I was stunned at once. Since when he'd been behind me!? Why hadn't I noticed?!

"You lost, Thunder Boy," he stated soberly, pressing his fingers a little harder on my neck just to show that he could crush it easily if I made sudden move.

I roared in resentment. No one could beat Thunder Emperor, especially not that rude guy! I'd show him my true power!

"Hey, what are you...? Stop it!"

He escaped just in time before a massive blast struck the very place where I stood on. Wrapped in blinding white light, the earth was shaking hard for some terrifying moments.

And then...silence. Everything's still.


A pang of pain stabbed my heart shortly afterwards.

Tremendous sadness that I knew too well dragged me into its voracious mouth - ripping me mercilessly, chewing me and spitting me out just so I could pick up the scattered pieces of me and reconstruct myself somehow.

My body, remembering the agony, pushed Thunder Emperor backwards and brought the real me back.

I kept my eyes closed tightly. I refused to open them - I was afraid of what I might see if I did the otherwise. I didn't wanna see what Thunder Emperor had done - what I had done this time.

I heard a whistle followed by my opponent's astounded remark. "Boy, you must relax a little. Do you wanna destroy this place!? After all, this is where you live, right?"

Shuddering, I said weakly. "I wish I could."

"Eh?"

I slowly opened my eyes. My heart sank right away at the sight of a grand hole on the ground around me. Destruction I'd made this time was beyond imagination. And all the fuss was just to face one guy. One guy! Was it worthed?

"I wish I could control my power." I turned around, gazing sadly at him. "But when I become Thunder Emperor it's like I get shut from my own mind and body. All my moves are controlled by rage."

"Thunder Emperor is growing bigger and stronger inside me everyday." The words were caught on my throat, almost choked me.

The dark-haired guy's voice was remarkably gentle when he said, "If the burden is too much for you, why don't you remove it off your shoulders?"

I gaped. "What do you mean?" I stared at him puzzledly. Even those blue eyes had softened a little bit.

He lit his cigarette calmly and then puffed the smoke to the open air. "You can always leave this awful place that makes you become Thunder Emperor," he replied, looking into my eyes intently. "Can't you?"

His sentence came to me as a shock. Honestly, I never thought that way before. Outside... They don't need Thunder Emperor in the outside world. Maybe Thunder Emperor would be vanished that way. Maybe that's...

I shook my head as hard as I could to stop the crazy idea from infiltrating my mind deeper. "I can't leave. I'm needed here. A lot of people trust their lives in my hands. It's my duty to protect everyone in Lower Town. They'd be slaughtered if I leaved," I said in a stubbornly matter-of-fact tone.

"So, you'd rather losing the real you, then?" he asked sharply.

I bit my lips. "I can't be selfish!"

"Selfish, huh?!" He spat his cigarette out of his mouth then walked closer to the edge of the hole. He squatted, fixing his eyes on me. "Let me tell you something, Thunder Boy. You can't take care anybody else if you can't take care yourself first. What if someday you finally lose yourself completely and not able to differ friends from enemies?! Then, you'll only become a mere mass murderer instead of The Guardian Angel of Lower Town," he uttered icily.

"I... I..." Darn it! I couldn't even think of something to argue him with! I guessed that's what it felt when truth hit you on the face, knocked you down and there's nothing you could do but accept it. I clenched my fists and turned my face away.

He cursed impatiently. "Hah! I don't have time to babysit you! Later, Thunder Boy!" he shouted as he turned to walk.

I stood still right where I was until his footsteps faded away. I didn't know what I should do - what I would do. All that I knew was I felt terribly miserable. God...

So miserable I couldn't hold back my tears any longer.

Cold hands of rain touched me in a sort of soothing way, hugging me in its wet embrace. I looked up to find that the sky was crying with me.


How could this happen to me
I've made my mistakes, got nowhere to run
Life goes on as I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life, I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
("UNTITLED" by SIMPLE PLAN)


To be continued...

[Teahouse Keeper]

Eh, Pippichan? Is this a novelization of the manga?? Mm...I like the way it flows, very visual--I can see the events unfolding like in the anime

[pippichan]

Novelization of the manga? I don't think so, though there's some parts from the manga and anime that I included. ;D Most of the story I made it up myself.

[Teahouse Keeper]

Oh! Pippichan, you made it up yourself! The parts of the manga and anime that you included sounded so familiar that I thought you were writing about what already happened

Yeah, I'm excited to know what happens next!!

[rhein]

me too!
it's a great story. the plot is so well composed.

you know, like teahouse keeper, as i read the story i began to wondered if it's the novelization. i've read GB to vol. 4 now. i was so curious as you seemed to like it so much. i've never got to the part when ban and ginji met, so yeah, i thought it's the novelization. well done, gal! keep up your good work!

[pippichan]

I'm kinda running out of ideas right now. I can't think about writing at all. Hm... am I thinking about Takki too much? Geez, I'm so pathetic!

[rhein]

well, why don't you include takki in your story then? maybe in a way like madoka? and perhaps you can be included in the story too. that way you can imagine yourself being w/ him. ;D

[Teahouse Keeper]

Wha--?? Takki in a GB Fiction with Pippichan?? How can it still be GB fiction??

[pippichan]

That's exactly what I don't understand from rhein's suggestion.

[pippichan]

(Gosh, it's been so long since I last wrote the second part of the fanfiction. And for some times I ran out of idea how to continue it. But of course I've always intended to finish the story. Luckily, I can get my idea back! ;D)

I remembered the panic when Belt-Line people attacked Lower Town just for fun. I remembered hearing shoutings, screamings, footsteps running, fierce sound of fightings - I swore I even remembered the sound of dripping blood.

I remembered stretching out my arm towards a terrified little girl. I remembered saying to her that I'd protect her. I remembered the heart-breaking sound when the bullet hit her little chest - the bullet that was meant for me. I remembered the nauseating smell of blood shed.

I remembered the unbearable sadness.

I remembered the great rage.

I remembered the first time I became Thunder Emperor.


Funny how bad memory keeps coming back to haunt us no matter how hard we've tried to bury and forget it. And what's the use of remembering? Just bring pain and sorrow. Yet, we can't not remember.

I wiped my eyes for the tenth times but the tears didn't want to cease from falling. I wasn't even sure that I'd be able to stop crying eventually. My heart ached so much that I felt numb.

Yet my body was shivering hard. But not because of the rain. I didn't feel the cold of rain. It was so much colder inside.

Looking back, I realised more that actually I had never done any good deed in my life. All I did was destroying and killing. I had convinced myself for some times that I had been protecting, but now the false image was crumbling down and the truth revealed. Once again, I failed to fulfill my oath to protect lives.

I opened my mouth, feeling like vomitting, but couldn't. I felt a very sour taste as if there were tons of acid in my mouth. I thought I was gonna be sick.

"... you'll only became a mere mass murderer ..."

Suddenly, unexpectedly, the brash guy's words were coming back to me, echoing in my ears. So sharp. So hurtful. Stabbed in the very core of my heart.

A mere mass murderer.

"No...!" Shaking head quickly, I found myself wrapping my arms around my own body which was shivering harder. "NO!!!"

I dropped on my knees, my teary eyes was bulging in horror and disgust. "NO! I'm not like that! I never want to be a mass murderer!!!"

Really!? A cynical voice inside my head spoke up. How do you know that?! You can't even answer a simple question about your purpose of living!

I shook my head hard, shaking the horrible thought off my mind. "I may not know everything but I do know that I'm not a murderer!"

So, answer this: What do you live for?

"I.... I can't! I don't know what I live for!"

See?

"But... but... that doesn't make me a murderer! .... does it?"

I expected a cruel, mocking answer but there's none. Just silence. A tormenting silence.

"Does it?!" I gaped for breath.

Still there's no answer. Somehow my mind had become quiet. I knew I should feel relieved because of that. But I felt uneasy, instead.

"DOES IT ??!" I panted hard for breath, as if someone had sucked all the air around, not leaving me some.

Panting and panting, I realised that I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe here, in Mugenjou. I didn't know the exact reason but for the first time I was sure that I had to go.


In the middle of the rain, discreetly I walked to the Mugenjou's exit. I casted one more glance at the gloomy place I knew for my entire life before I set my feet to the outer world.

As if replying the Lower Town's unspeakable question, I said, "I wanna try to live."

Then I left, heading forwards and only forwards, out of Mugenjou.


To be continued ....