Post by Teahouse Keeper on Jun 8, 2011 13:59:54 GMT -5
It's been on my mind for a long while, on and off, to erase everything here and start fresh.
What is past is past. What is now is different. There is a need to start afresh with the first idea I had for the Teahouse. 7 levels of teahouse.
However, every time I look at it, it's not possible to erase. Not possible to just click the delete button.
Every thread has stuff that contains the life that it was started with. I don't know how to delete.
True, the people have left (and grown), the conversations have stopped in the middle as if they would continue. But. The life in every thread lives on, with a life of their own.
I can't just delete.
I have thought of somehow working around the categories or threads, perhaps there is some way of building new things around them...
But everything seems fixed. The Teahouse has itself become encased in its own past. It lives in there. Neither go forward nor back.
Time stopped. And I can't seem to break it out of it. It's the hardest job that an admin can ever have. There's nothing that I can see to break it out. And that's why the Teahouse has remained in limbo for so long.
It has its own life that's trapped in a time that is frozen at that point. And I can't break into it with new people or work around it, or do anything to it!
It's the most amazing and strangest thing. The Teahouse has grown out of these people's lives. They have moved on, but not in here. In here, their voices, their thoughts still live their own.
And I still see them and hear them as if they are still here, as if the postings are still fresh like they just posted it.
Whenever I see a thread and if I read the posts, they still make me smile. It's as if they are still here. The conversations to be completed rather than stopped.
It may seem that this makes it difficult to bear, but it's not true. I don't miss these people, and understand that they have moved on. I don't miss them now as their present selves, neither do I particularly want them to return.
Even if they do return, it cannot be the same due to their ages and other changes. Even now when we interact sometimes on facebook, it is very cold and impersonal. I do not feel their warmth or camaraderie that they had when they were here.
Now it is like strangers who used to share a past that's become thin.
I do not feel they are from the Teahouse because they no longer recognize me or treat me as the Keeper anymore. Their memory of me is gone. I feel as if I represent some quaint time that happened some time in their lives but don't figure anywhere now.
It is not the people I miss. Rather, I miss the time. The people are part of it, made the time what it was.
The Teahouse represents a time that was here. And I can't just delete it. If I do, and want it back but cannot undo it, it will be worse because then, it will forever remain in my mind and I'll think about but never get to see it again.
There is no way round the problem. It has nothing to do with the people who have moved on. They are no longer part of this life here.
So. While in my disappointment, I may wish to wipe out traces of people (such as Shelbe who has just disappointed me by removing my gift to her in my post on her facebook wall), I have to consider that the person she is now, has nothing to do with who she was here, the life that was here.
The person who was here encased in this time, is not the person disappointing me now.
It was a different time, different everything. We were younger, things were different. We came together for a time and that time has become encased in a world of its own that is forever. In a time bubble that cannot be broken. And I... in the middle of it.
What am I to do?
I love the Teahouse. It is not something that I did in the past to be forgotten. It is a part of me. Not just a creation.
I am not to leave it as it is. Yet I don't know what to do with it.
What is past is past. What is now is different. There is a need to start afresh with the first idea I had for the Teahouse. 7 levels of teahouse.
However, every time I look at it, it's not possible to erase. Not possible to just click the delete button.
Every thread has stuff that contains the life that it was started with. I don't know how to delete.
True, the people have left (and grown), the conversations have stopped in the middle as if they would continue. But. The life in every thread lives on, with a life of their own.
I can't just delete.
I have thought of somehow working around the categories or threads, perhaps there is some way of building new things around them...
But everything seems fixed. The Teahouse has itself become encased in its own past. It lives in there. Neither go forward nor back.
Time stopped. And I can't seem to break it out of it. It's the hardest job that an admin can ever have. There's nothing that I can see to break it out. And that's why the Teahouse has remained in limbo for so long.
It has its own life that's trapped in a time that is frozen at that point. And I can't break into it with new people or work around it, or do anything to it!
It's the most amazing and strangest thing. The Teahouse has grown out of these people's lives. They have moved on, but not in here. In here, their voices, their thoughts still live their own.
And I still see them and hear them as if they are still here, as if the postings are still fresh like they just posted it.
Whenever I see a thread and if I read the posts, they still make me smile. It's as if they are still here. The conversations to be completed rather than stopped.
It may seem that this makes it difficult to bear, but it's not true. I don't miss these people, and understand that they have moved on. I don't miss them now as their present selves, neither do I particularly want them to return.
Even if they do return, it cannot be the same due to their ages and other changes. Even now when we interact sometimes on facebook, it is very cold and impersonal. I do not feel their warmth or camaraderie that they had when they were here.
Now it is like strangers who used to share a past that's become thin.
I do not feel they are from the Teahouse because they no longer recognize me or treat me as the Keeper anymore. Their memory of me is gone. I feel as if I represent some quaint time that happened some time in their lives but don't figure anywhere now.
It is not the people I miss. Rather, I miss the time. The people are part of it, made the time what it was.
The Teahouse represents a time that was here. And I can't just delete it. If I do, and want it back but cannot undo it, it will be worse because then, it will forever remain in my mind and I'll think about but never get to see it again.
There is no way round the problem. It has nothing to do with the people who have moved on. They are no longer part of this life here.
So. While in my disappointment, I may wish to wipe out traces of people (such as Shelbe who has just disappointed me by removing my gift to her in my post on her facebook wall), I have to consider that the person she is now, has nothing to do with who she was here, the life that was here.
The person who was here encased in this time, is not the person disappointing me now.
It was a different time, different everything. We were younger, things were different. We came together for a time and that time has become encased in a world of its own that is forever. In a time bubble that cannot be broken. And I... in the middle of it.
What am I to do?
I love the Teahouse. It is not something that I did in the past to be forgotten. It is a part of me. Not just a creation.
I am not to leave it as it is. Yet I don't know what to do with it.
...when you'll see this rather than if. I think the Teahouse is wonderful and it would be a shame to see it go. I'm quite sure others who randomly find themselves here feel the same way 
...and I feel that if people see that this place isn't as dead as it appears that they would love to become apart of a "rebirth"...I know I would 
I may not be a part of the past but would more than willing love to become part of the future. I'm sure I could find others as well. People who... grow...but don't fade away 
. I was hesitant to even post here...but the need to say something...overcame me ;D
It's been a long while since someone dropped by. 
But yayyy *HUGS* It's nice to meet you 
How can the sexy Usagi-san not be good? (You'll have to see it to know how sexy he is).